“His name is Jonathan because he is a gift from Me.”
Hello, my name is Abby. I love Jesus, my family, friends, and coffee. I met my husband in high school, but we didn’t get married for almost 10 years after we first met. We have two very active boys that love to keep us on our toes. My husband and I both homeschool our oldest. When I am not busy homeschooling or doing things with my family or friends, I primarily bake cupcakes.
There are many things that make up a person’s testimony. This is true not only for me but for you too. In fact, our testimony is always changing, especially as a person grows in their faith with the Lord. I once heard someone say, “without a test, there can be no testimony.” I have often struggled with sharing part of my testimony, partially because it took me a long time to process it. I also have struggled with sharing my testimony because I have a very protective side of me that I don’t want to upset others. Recently, God has been convicting me about my lack of sharing of my testimony. Part of it was because I was embarrassed about some of the things that I have gone through. But realizing that has also brought me the freedom that I have not experienced before.
As I said, there are many things that make up my testimony. One thing that I went through was trouble keeping my pregnancies. In between Eli and Jonathan, I went through two miscarriages. During that time, I not only experienced deep sadness but also questioned God. I am not proud to say that I did let the Devil have a foothold in my thoughts during this time. He planted the seeds of God not loving me, but also that I was not a good mother.
A few years ago, we found out that I was pregnant with what would have been our second child. Both Caleb and I were excited about being pregnant again. We were also excited for Eli to be a big brother. We had seen how he had interacted with younger children so we knew that he would be an amazing older brother. Shortly after finding out that we were expecting our second child, I ended up having a miscarriage. We were both heartbroken and questioning why we were going through this. I also refused to tell people not only because of shame but because I did not want to carry around being another, “statistic”. A few months after we miscarried, Caleb had to spend two weeks in the hospital due to health problems. After he had gotten better, we ended up getting pregnant a third time. Again we had another miscarriage. I experienced everything that I had before, but it was amplified. My doctor had told us that if we went through a third one, we would have to go through a bunch of testing to get to the root of why we were having miscarriages. A couple of months later, we found out that we were pregnant with Jonathan.
I was so nervous about this pregnancy. I was worried that I would go through another miscarriage. I remember praying and telling God that if we had a child, that I would dedicate them back to God (we had already dedicated Eli). When it was getting to a point that I could no longer hide that I was pregnant, we made a video of Eli saying, “coming in February I am going to be a big brother.” Both Caleb and I had reservations about sharing the good news because of our experience. When we found out that we were going to have a boy, we had been between two names. Initially, we were leaning towards Benjamin. One day before church, I heard God tell me, “His name is Jonathan because he is a gift from Me.” I told Caleb and then looked up what the name Jonathan meant. It means, “gift from God”. And that truly is what Jonathan is, a gift from God. He has brought so much joy not only to our lives but to others.
This time was a test and filled with trials. But God remained faithful and kept to his word. God not only provided for us but also gave us a gift. Every day, I thank God not only for his gift of salvation; but also, for the gifts of being Eli and Jonathan’s mom.