Author: Samantha Russ
We always hear people say, “Jesus loves you, He’s there for you”.
We are accustomed to hearing it, and think “yea yea I know that already”, but DO we really understand in depth? especially when we at times chose to sin?
I grew up in church. I understood who the Holy Spirit was, being saved, but viewed Christianity as a religion and not a relationship with Christ.
I was brought up in an extremely religious, also physically and mentally abusive household, that along with other unfortunate circumstances, turned me off to God. In 6th grade I decided to renounce Christ, commit and serve Satan all throughout my teen years and into my early 20s.
As a former satan worshipper, I can tell you this, I never felt God’s anger, and multiple times during rituals, I would get visions of God’s arms opened to me telling me to come, and that alone was enough to question…. “Why?”
Why do I feel his sadness and not his anger along with his wrath? And most of all, Why on earth do I feel His compassion?
It drove me crazy, that no matter what things I did, no matter how many times I’ve bowed on my knees to Satan, I felt compassion and forgiveness. Yes there were times I didn’t feel him at all, but He did enough to remind me of Him. There was no pressure, nothing forceful about Him. He just wanted a relationship with me.
That alone was chipping away at my heart of stone, but I still didn’t go back. Not until I hit below rock bottom financially, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I couldn’t take it anymore and ran back desperately to Him.
I chose to live a life of sin. And he still loved me. He still wanted me. He WANTED me.
Yes I chose to worship the enemy, and still felt God’s love through it all.
Don’t ever let guilt stop you from praying, or continuing a relationship with Him, because It doesn’t matter the sin, NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING will stop Him from loving you. He just wants YOU.
Prayer starter: Jesus thank you for dying on the cross for ME, for loving ME unconditionally. When there are times I don’t feel You in the midst of a storm, help me to think back of all the times Sara felt forgotten, when Moses felt scared, how You showed up for them. Remind me that You were the same God to them, You are to me… today, and forever. Give me discernment, to recognize the enemy’s voice, and remove any guilt that may be in my heart. Amen